15 things I am grateful for, no sarcasm here. (Promise)

 

Less than 6 hours are left for my last day of being 22 and here I am, writing another heartfelt post. This is the one I have really have been looking forward to publish but somehow it is the one that is being the hardest to write as I can’t seem to find the perfect words to express all these feelings. What is harder to express than a feeling? The joy, the pain, the love: All of them have been object of millions of pieces of arts but I am sure that their authors will never be fully satisfied of the final result as there is nothing more personal than these special sparks. I am about to start a new phase in my life and stopped a moment to analyze how I am feeling. Grateful. I have collected so many moments, experiences, feelings and life lessons that truly make me feel happy and proud to be alive. I have realized that this is a really personal post, mainly composed by all these people that form part of my private life.

But My People, well: they are the best that has ever happened to me. I cherish each one of them more than any present that has ever been given to me and ever will. They are part of who I am and what a better way to present myself than giving them their rightful place on this blog? I truly feel like the luckiest girl on earth and can’t do anything but wish that life will take care of them as much as they took care of me.

 

B I B O U

How do I do this without being cheesy and annoying? You are probably the hardest person to write to, because you already know everything. Thank you for being this superhero in my life, for kicking the ass of all these negative thoughts in my mind, for setting the realities straight, for making me laugh when it is impossible, for being the best person I know. I am proud of you and who you are baby bro, thank you for believing in me when I don’t and taking me up again. You are the most important person in my life and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Love you jusqu’à l’infini et l’au delà.

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M A R I O N 

You know that person in high school who you absolutely hate and name your enemy number 1? Okay, I might be dramatizing but just a tiny bit because that was basically what Marion represented to me and what I represented to her. In the end and by the most awkward story ever, we discovered we were the same soul in a different body. I could explain our relationship in a thousand different ways and there is so much to say but I have to keep your attention going: She is the one who proved me wrong when I thought no one could ever understand me at my deepest emotional levels, she is the one able to make me look like I am a 5 year old laughing during hours, she is the latina that will protect me from anything and anybody. She isn’t only my best friend but also my family and there is not one day I thank life to make my path cross hers even if it was in the most awkward way possible.

 

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M O M

Up and down. Hot and Cold. Some say it is because we are too similar, others say it is because we are too different. I don’t know the reasons why but I know that we are one step closer everyday to fully understand each other and that all these differences are getting smaller with the time.She is also a total dude and god knows how much she struggled with my love of glitterish pink shoes and barbies (which we all know didn’t last very long). She is fierce, passionate and terribly sensitive at the same time and that again she gave me I believe. I can’t even describe how much of a fighter she is: Probably one of the strongest persons I have ever met in my entire life. And that I am so grateful for: She taught me to fight unconditionally for anything I want and for the people I love. What a better gift she could have given me?

 

 

 

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E D U C A T I O N 

They say knowledge is a priceless luxury that empowers you. It’s true. Then they say that knowledge is cheap and wisdom is priceless. It is also true. I am not grateful for knowing about marketing or finance, these will surely be highly helpful in the future but they don’t make the person I am. Going to school has given me more than knowledge, it has given me the people I love, the strength to handle anything and the opportunity to do whatever I want wherever I want in life. If I had to choose a career path again, I would do the exact same thing and live an over again every moment. No regrets, and this is surely priceless.

 

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D O L O R S

We went to school together but didn’t connect until last year. It was at the final year celebration: both a bit tipsy, under the rain and fed up with the party. We both ended up crying while talking. When I think about it: It was pathetic yet beautiful. She is the person you cannot hate: Too kind, Too smart, Too pretty, Too giving. And yes, you have given me so much, probably more than I will ever be able to give back. The only thing I can wish is that one day you see you are just the way people see you: a Little fireball that shines brighter than the sun and moon together

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M Y   N A M E 

It might sound weird and dumb. I used to hate my name because kids would laugh about it all the time, teachers would constantly mispronounce it, some people would joke about it. It was too obvious and in my mind, I constantly thought ” Really?? Is this really all you can do?”. Accepting my name and learning to love it came at the same moment as I started to embrace myself. Its a persian name,  means god’s Jewel and is pronounced Negin and not negwinay or any sort of deviation. It makes me feel different, unique and has become a true signature to me. Now I smile thinking that I might be the only Neguine people meet and that just like me, the name comes with endless stories.

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M Y   E X C H A N G E

It happened when I most needed it; I needed to break free from home, from my university, from my daily routine and finally connect with myself. And hell, it was pure happiness. Four months straight of pure happiness.

Each one of the people I met is so different and unique, it really felt that somehow all our personalities were meant to fit together.

Getting out of my comfort zone, meeting people of different cultures, experiencing new adventures and being on my own is something I will never be grateful enough.

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M Y    R O O T S 

They confuse a lot of people. I mean long story short: My dad is persian, Mom is Ukrano-Algerian, I was born in France and live in Spain. Yes, you can cringe for my children. Of course there is the food, and the music, and the parties, and the endless stereotypes. But being a multi-cultural child has provided me an open-mind that has allowed me to understand so many things in my life and not having any boundaries to move anywhere and being scared to meet new people.

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L I N O U 

6 years ago, I gave him a flower the day of his birthday and called it the happiness flower. That night we promised that we would be Linou and Linette until we are 80 years old and can’t stop bitching about everyone and everything. He kept the flower in his wallet for months, and the promise for years. We still are as retarded, pathetic and awesome as we were at 17, just a tiny bit worse actually.

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I N S T A

I will never say it enough but I am so grateful to starting persianbrunette on Instagram. It has brought me so much confidence, funny stories, wonderful friends from all over the world. It has been the highlight of this year, I don’t know how much time I’ll get going with it but for what it’s worth it has helped me reconnect with my love for fashion. It has helped me to start my own blog, It has helped me to not being afraid of who I am anymore. So, I am grateful to all of you beauties that have been part of this adventure!

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A U D R E Y

Thank you for appearing in my life when I needed it and for being that older sister I never had. Thank you for all these laughs (boobs out included), crazy adventures and support you give me.

You might be an ABC, I still love you.

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 C R E A M   K I S S 

 Just because there is only one Néguine coke can on this earth, just made for me with accents and everything else.

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B A B A 

It is not something I talk about anymore: My dad and I haven’t spoken in now 5 years.

Sometimes you just wish you could go back, do some things differently. Because when it’s out there, when your feelings are out there. There is no turning back. Once you made a bold decision. good or bad- You can’t go back to fix things or come back to the way they were before. Then again it’s pointless to think or wish that.

Truth is I don’y even know if i really wish to do things differently. Because without this loss, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Maybe things will get better, maybe they will stay the same but point is: The best things in my life and probably 90% of the things I have talked about in this post happened because this particular thing happened.

Would I take it back? Absolutely not. My dad might not be part of my life anymore but that has allowed many wonderful people to start making part of it. So thank you for once giving me the chance to be your little girl, go to school, travel all around the world, go on exchange. But most of all, thank you for how I have changed during the last years. Nowadays, I’m surrounded by so many things and people that make me infinitely happy and that allow me to being a way better person, than what I used to be. You are missed and loved even if I don’t tell you.

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T H E   P E R F E C T  S Q U A D 

I have learned to be more selective, to trust less and to raise my barriers at the highest. It doesn’t feel right to just talk about some people and forget about so many others that contribute to my happiness. Thank you to my family for always standing strong next to me and giving me the values that make the person I am. To Natalia, Nur, Biggie, Sarlouche, Cas, Qing Qing, Sara, Sandra, Christophe, Andrea, Pau and so many more. Thank you for handling me as the freaking disaster I am, laugh at my bad jokes and being a constant inspiration in my life.

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G R O W I N G   U P

This article was supposed to be called the 23 things I am grateful for: Yes, 23 for 23 years old. Then I realized that first it would have been waaaay too long and boring, and second that the feeling of being grateful can’t be summarized in 23 points. This years has been all about growing up, finding and embracing myself, taking decisions that will be marking the rest of my life. And I am terribly grateful to this, I am terribly grateful to realize that I am changing, evolving and learning from my mistakes. I am grateful to realize how important the people I love is to me and that this absolutely have no boundaries. Excuse me if I am being so cheesy but after all, once a year, on my birthday: i think I have the right to.

Lots of love always,

Neguine