I read somewhere that Libras turn incredibly mellow on the days preceding their birthdays. I’ll never know if it is because we are terrified that time is running out of our hands, ticking year after year, reminding us of all the things that we should have already done, or simply because we love to be melodramatic about certain things.
In my case, I’ll just say this: Can we just pretend like 2020 never happened? Commonly agree to rewind the clock just this one time? I’ll still be 27, I’ll still work actively on all the things I want to achieve before I turn 30. Real talk though, this year has paralyzed me. Kept me far away from home, made me feel hopeless, kept me restless. It’s been dark but I learnt that sometimes, stillness is where you learn the most.
28 Things I Learnt At 27
1/ Never ever say “this year has sucked so much, I hope next year will be better” on New Years Eve because… well, 2020.
2/ We all need to get better at social consciousness (to all the covid rebels out there: PUT A FUCKING MASK ON).
3/ To find something good in the toughest times and handle uncertainty like a pro.
4/ I’m as much as an introvert as I am an extrovert. (I know I know, I couldn’t believe it either.)
5/ My mom is the best covid apocalypse partner ever.
6/ Black Lives Matter and we need to consistently do the work to make it a reality vs a trend.
7/ To make the most out of my quarantine life: read 1000 books, learn how to watercolor, upload random videos on Youtube, have endless video chats with my loved ones, initiate new projects with my best friend.
8/ Sometimes life puts the same situation/cycle/person on your way on purpose, and sometimes you play dumb and do the same mistakes because you swear everything is different now (spoiler alert: it isn’t).
9/ We take small things for granted. Coffee with a coworker, game night with your friends, even your sweaty ass tuesday night gym class.
10/ And because of that… I have learnt to make the most of what I have in the present moment: my favorite song, orange juice, a new book, a nice text, an hour at the beach, Netflix movie nights.
11/ Time is our most valuable asset. Stop wasting it out of fear and do all the things you say you’ll do later. Ask the guy out, create a podcast, choose things that fill your day with joy because you never know when a zombie apocalypse could hit and force us to stay still.
12/ I need to stop silencing my voice and start validating my feelings. In love. In friendship. At work. On my platforms.
13/ My boss is gonna love this one… Turns out I’m really into productivity and organization. Editorial calendars are definitely a lot more fun than they used to be.
14/ To do a mean Guac. Chipotle can contact me and pay me millions of dollars because mine is better than theirs.
15/ How did I sleep on owning an E-Book reader for so long? Best discovery of 2020 so far.
16/ Vision. Boards. Are. Magic.
17/ A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara is my favorite book ever written.
18/ I am obsessed with everything Call me by your name and I am officially part of the Timothee Chalamet fanclub.
19/ My health and the health of the people I love is more fragile than I ever thought it could be, I’ll no longer take it for granted.
20/ Chloe Ting workouts are fucking (quarantine) life changing.
21/ If you feel like starting something new, don’t overthink it and just do it spontaneously!
22/ This one is a universal truth but 2020 really made it stand out : How stupid can the human being be? How proud. How selfish. How wrong.
23/ I’m growing to be more and more interested in Greek mythology, Ancient Egypt and art in general. I want to dedicate next year to expanding my exposure to these topics.
24/ If Taylor Swift can produce an entire album during quarantine, I can surely find something cool to do with my life too. 2020 made me realize that on the long run, I want to pour my heart and energy into creating something that’s mine.
25/ 2020 is probably going to be one my biggest years in terms of career. I learnt to be proactive when shit hits the fan, to get laser focused in order to get more stuff done during my work day, to prioritize my mental health and take a break when I need it. I burnt out a few times and it wasn’t fun, I’m learning to set boundaries so that doesn’t happen anymore.
26/ This one is annoying as fuck but… I learnt that that divine timing thing is real. Some things are meant to happen to you at specific moment in your life so you can experience certain situations and feelings, learn and then move on to the next step.
27/ I neglected my creative side, stopped writing, stopped creating, and put a huge part of myself to sleep. It took me forever to realize and most times I feel like shit about that because I gave up a huge part of who I am and who I am supposed to be. However, someone dear to me reminded me that I just needed a break from frantically creating content to live my life a little bit more and having brand new things to say. I have done just that, and we have a lot to catch up on.
28/ Disclaimer: this one is painful to read and painful to write. I keep growing year over year but I also keep self-sabotaging with self-doubt and self-hatred. I keep preaching self-care when in reality I wake up everyday with an emotional hangover. I call myself loser 1000x times a day. I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I can’t read anything that I’ve written in the past two years. I am unable to pinpoint the good in me or in anything that I do. I have a long way to go, these are years and years of mental dialogue to deconstruct but I am on it. 2020 taught me that I am not alone in this, that the isolation covid brought to our lives pushed us to face our own demons and do a lot of soul searching. To work on all the things we’ve been putting on hold. Like this post for example, this post was long overdue and you would sigh at how long it took me to write it. But here we are again, and I hope you are ready because I have a lot more to say. Meanwhile, cheers to 2020, cheers to 27. They have been a real pain in the ass, but I couldn’t have made it here without them.
Lots of love always,
Neguine
