If you asked me what makes me the person I am today, I would probably tell you that the strong badass gene runs in the family. Not that I define myself as one, but I like to say that one of my life aspirations is to be as fierce as the women in the family but also as powerful as the few men that compose it. Then again, I hate when people say “you are just like your mother” or “you couldn’t be more like your father”. Not because I don’t aspire to the people they are, but because I would say that my life purpose until now has wholefully been dedicated to finding who Neguine was. To making my own mistakes, to scoring my own accomplishements and then ultimately to learn my own lessons based on the challenges and wins that I encountered on the way. Then you grow and you realize that while you are an entirely unique person, there is still so much of your parents within you. You might run as far as you can, you might want to do things your way, you might try so hard to prove differently but there will always be this strong core that will forever connect you to them. And my mom? Well, I owe so much of who I am to my Mom. In the most untraditional way, she just let me be and she just was. Her is her and me is me. She never tried or wished that I was someone else, and that space is perhaps the best gift she could have ever given me. Well, that and the following five lessons.
Everything is in the details.
Pair your shoes and your bag. Always have a clean manicure and pedicure, your hands are like a business card they talk for who you are (she would die if she saw my nails rn). Always match your underwear. Wear black when in doubt, you can always make it look expensive. Always go out like you are going to meet the love of your life, you never know what is going to happen. Buy the basics in double just in case. Never finish anything until you make sure it is perfect. Be singular and know what makes you different. Customize. Make everything yours. Be everything they are not. Seek that one thing that everybody is afraid to try. And go for it. Do it.
That not a single man is worth dropping my life for
Or not a single woman. This is not some feminist bullshit. This does not mean you can’t fall in love with all your heart. This means you have to fall in love with all your heart but also with all your head. Or most of it anyways. This is you prioritizing what makes YOU happy and what YOU need in front of every love story or friendship. That one comes from grandma as well who used to tell me ” Finish your education and then fall in love. Don’t put everything you have worked for in danger for a love that now feels like is going to last forever but probably won’t”. Trust me when I say I fought hard with them both on that one. What if it is the love of your life? Your other half? Hopelessly romantic, I ate the soulmate crap like patatas (or french fries) until it failed. It failed and it was hard as fuck to realize that Grandma and Mom were right about it fading into time, teaching me perhaps the biggest lesson on this post: Everything is temporary. Everything but the happiness and the resources that you choose to build for yourself. I will fall hard, like I always do, but no love will be as permanent as me standing for myself. This comes together with learning to know yourself and your worth, and not settling for any less than what you deserve.
That the one and only “best friend” doesn’t exist.
Growing up, I used to ask Mom a question over and over again: Who’s your best friend? To what she would reply ” I don’t have one. I don’t believe in best friends”. We disagreed for years, it almost made me angry. Bffs do exist and I would have one, and we would be a pillar in each others life: grow up to then grow old (haha that sounds so childish but then again I was young). Then young adulthood came along and I found that person, she got my back and I got hers, until this day she was perhaps one of the most beautiful and strengthening relationships I ever had. But then for whatever reason, we broke up and that shit hurt like losing “the one”. I still ache from time to time, I still miss her. But the more I think about it and the more I realize how unhealthy it is to rely emotionally on a single person. People change, we somehow all undertake a thousand different roads and sometimes: they just don’t cross anymore. Somehow once you start embracing the possibility that literally anything could happen: your relationships start feeling healthier, with no pressure to holding on to forevers. Mom was right: relationship do have a specific purpose, time and space. It taught me to feel grateful for today and the people that are part of it. I do have best friendS. Different friendships that bring me different things. But mostly, we are all living separate lives to the fullest without being scared that our roads won’t cross in the future.
To always be a fighter
And god knows we fought. My relationship with Mom will always be one of the most strengthening things that ever happened in my life. It’s like no matter how much of an unrealistic dreamer I was, she still was the only one to see this hidden fire of mine and ultimately, bring it out with tough love.She taught me to speak out, to stand out for myself, to fight for whatever the hell I want, to learn that I was strong enough to go through anything. It took us nearly ten years to channel all the fire that sparkled in the room, it hurt in both ways a lot of times but without that I wouldn’t be half of the person I am today.
To Care
It seems silly and obvious, because it is what Moms are supposed to do but I feel like one of my greatest strength/weakness is the fact that I care too much in every possible way. We love unconditionally, worry like crazy, feel other people’s pain like it was our own, speak the truth even when it is going to be bad news for ourselves and because we fight so much, because we love so much, sometimes we feel defeated. Sometimes we feel exhausted. Sometimes we feel like no one will ever care as much as we do. And because they don’t we sometimes think we are lonely. And for that I owe her everything, because while I felt like everybody else was leaving, she stayed. Accepting what others didn’t, me being me and her being her. Being mine in a way that no one will ever be. And all I can say to her, All I can write is: I care.
Neg!
Your mom really sounds like a wise woman!
if someone had given me this advise when I was younger it would have saved me a lot of heartache with boys and the girls I used to call my bffs.
We really should appreciate our mothers advise more lol
XO
Britta
I love this post, I think your mom is very wise! I like the take on the “best friend” – I truly feel like the older you get the more the definition of friendship changes! Its crazy! Always love your posts! xx
Smile on my face. 🙂 This is so beautiful and your mama taught you so well. Look at you beautiful lady – you are you, unique and special in this world where almost every person is trying to be something that she or he is not. be proud of yourself and all of those things that your mama taught you.
I owe a lot to my mama and my dad a lot. Because of them I am who I am. and for that I am forever grateful.
Lots of love <3
The outfit, the photography and the edits you’ve done – so blooming amazing. Everything your mum has taught you, I’m just sat here like y.e.s. Especially the friendship one, there’s such a pressuring desire to have a perfect best friend, even a group of gals, because it’s always portrayed that you need that and that’s what a great life requires, but it’s not. New friendships are forever possible, so for youngsters to strive to find the ‘one and only’ so young, it can be blindsiding to the fact you’re going to endlessly meet so many different people, who will bless you with different things, whether that’s wisdom, laughter, lessons or love. xxxx