I have been meaning to write about feminism for a very long time now but I always felt conflicted to do so because there is truly no way to say what I am about to say without offending some panties. If I do, it really isn’t my intention, just my opinion. So here it goes: I am a feminist. Not for the sake of overpriced Dior t-shirts or popular movements that are awakening lately, I have been blessed with a family full of badass strong women and men who happen to appreciate that kind of fire so I have been a feminist for as long as I can remember. Little Disclaimer: Before we fall into the so popular “Man hating/Women supremacy” cliché, let me specify that to me being a feminist means believing that men and women are equal and that they consequently deserve to be treated the same way in every aspect. For that reason, I believe I have always created content based on my experiences to inspire women to be daring, fearless, ambitious, outspoken and free. To not be scared to aim big, to speak their truth, to be their best selves without depending on love, to feel free to make their own choices without caring about what the world has to say about them. If you know me personally (aka a little bit further than a standard “love your outfit babe”), you know I am the type of person who doesn’t contain herself to say “you are gorgeous/hot/amazing/inspiring/smart/talented/the best”. I am not scared to support people, it’s a nice thing to do and it can make someone else’s day to tell them a truth their insecurities hide away from them. Lately though, I am having trouble finding my place in today’s feminism because it has unfortunately turned into the new hot trend. It’s trendy to claim yourself team “girl power” and “support your babes” on International Women’s day, it’s trendy to wear a graphic tee with the words written all over your tits, it’s trendy to post naked pictures a la Kim Kardashian on IG because it means we get to own our own bodies and sexualities freely. It’s trendy but god I’m I the only one to feel that it’s on the most part two faced? That we are trying very very hard to feel connected to each other so we can portray what is expected from us as women? That the blogging world is using the hot new trend to fucking grow faster?
My annoyance erupted a few weeks ago when I stumbled across a blog post that discussed mean girls. It seemed fine at first, risky but okay until I read a paragraph about girls who don’t have many girlfriend. Aka masculine girls. Aka me. It claimed that not having many girlfriends is a red flag, a sign that what you are facing is a mean girl. I felt insulted, infuriated, fucking offended. Since when the gender of your friendships define who you are as a person? Since when are we supposed to act a certain way AKA being politally correct in order to be considered the contrary of a mean girl? Are we so into girl power that preferring to be surrounded by more masculine energies is a sin to our gender? In other words, what the fuck? As women, it has become the new thing to say that we are the only ones responsible for igniting our fire. That our girlfriends are sacred, that there is nothing more empowering than sisterhood. But what about the men in our lives? It’s crazy to realize that in 2018, they only represent an issue to solve in the workplace, “our person” or the one to break our hearts. That they are unable to empower us the same way a woman would. That they don’t get it because after all “they are just men”. And yet, they are perfectly able to do so. At least, mine do. My best friend sat me down last December and told me “Neguine, I want you to succeed. Stop fooling around. I want you shine as I know you can, because you deserve it.” I was blown away. What am I saying? I am still blown away. Because out of all my female friendships, only a very few have ever said those words to me with such honesty and selflessness. Because I could tell it was coming from the heart and not to be politically correct. He wasn’t empowering to empower. He was empowering because he was seeing something I was unable to, because he had grown to be the friend to put his interest aside to focus on mine. That is something very difficult to achieve with women because most of the times, we automatically perceive other women’s successes as our own failure. Being players of the same team make it almost impossible not to compare ourselves to each other, and it’s always hard on the ego to realize that someone of your team is winning while you appear to be losing. So as much as we claim that we all root for #girlpower, there will always be this silent hint of competition in the corner of our minds. It is a mindset that has been around for centuries and as much as we are all doing efforts to not feel this way, it is going to stick around for a while. Sometimes it will manifest as healthy and will inspire us to be better, but other times it manifests as toxic through envy and jealousy. That doesn’t mean that I have lost faith in women friendships, not at all. I am so lucky to be surrounded by amazing women whom I trust with all my heart and my blogging friendships spectrum widens everyday with souls that share similar values, thoughts and opinions as mine. I just felt like saying that in the rise of women empowerment, let’s not forget that men also have a role in it. So to the men of my life: Thank you. To my Dad for pushing me to dream big enough to want to be the CEO of a fashion house as big as Saint Laurent or Givenchy, to my brother for teaching me to never give up and to be a tough cookie, to Sergi for seeing beauty in me before I ever did, to Alex for teaching me that being strong also means being vulnerable, to the failed loves for showing me that there was a fire within me to be ignited and to the one that will one day give me the equal love I know I deserve. This is a list of men who have taught me to be a better woman. To be 100% girl power but also 100% boy power. And this matters. This is what should be celebrated. Everyday and not only on fucking Follow Fridays. If all the above makes me a nasty woman, then so be it because at least I am able to say I am loved for who I really am and not for who everybody else wants me to be.
You know I freakin love you just the way you are and you know I am so proud of you and I only know you through social media but we’ve clicked you are my twinsie and one badass woman. You will go far in life!! thank you for sharing this and speaking your mind!! I agree with you 100 million percent. Keep on keeping on babe! 😘
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Twinsie <3 You have brought so many smiles and heartwarming feelings to my life since you are part of it. Hell yeah we have clicked. We have clicked because we are so similar and that is the amazing thing about blogging, that in the middle of so much fake you are still able to find people that really are the same as you. And I am so grateful because I am also proud of your journey and the badass you are. Love ya always babe, with all your sneaks and hats.
Neg!! This post is everything! We don’t need out friends to be female only! We need friends that empower us no matter what male or female does not make a difference.
I often feel that men are more honest than most females I encounter with and therefor we value their opinions more.
Often women only support each other on the front but when it comes to it do we really support each other when things boil over? Do we empower each other when the other one has what you want?
So many questions?!
I hope one day that everyone are equals and help each other no matter the gender
Xo
Britta
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RIGHT?? My relationships with guys are so much easier, I just blurp out what I think, we have a good laugh, all honesty no bad vibes. I just feel my personality matches really wrongly with people that just want to please and are not used to telling/hearing thing straight. With women I always feel like there is this huge barrier in my head, I think too much about what to say and how to act, I am always careful not to go too far so they are not offended. But god why the hell do I have to stop myself??? And your questions? I have the same, unfortunately not a lot of names pop up in my mind when I ask them. Preach to what you said sis, so glad I found you in that crazy world <3 Love you alwaysss
I love this post sis. wow wow! Your every word is on point.
I think just like you that the word feminist is turn into some trend out there and many people are just using that word to achive some interest of their own.
I am just a woman, who knows what she can do by her own, and who knows how strong she is. But also I am that kind of woman who loves to have her man by her side. To let him do things for me, not because I can’t do them alone, but because I love when he is caring and when is a gentleman to me.
And I’ve learned the most about love respect and equality from my parents. My brother showed me how one woman is supposed to be treated.
I am lucky to have those men in my life. But also I am lucky to have few of my friends who are pure souls.
And I am truly lucky to meet you sis, because, I can’t believe how similar we are, how we connected in these 3 years,,, I am hoping that we will get a chance to celebrate our friendship eye to eye. With lots of red wine. <3
Love you always Neguine.
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We are so similar my Zana <3 I think our core is the same, we want to be so inclusive and believe that everyone works the same way as we do. We get disappointed when we see it is not the case but it has made us so much stronger. I could never be more grateful for the men in my life, in some ways they are the ones that really have made me that strong and outspoken. They are the ones who really pushed me out of the " i am a women I should just be pretty and shut up". We will definitely meet and have lots and lots of red wine. and food. and good conversations. I can tell you it is going to happen, you know I hav e crazy intuitions for these things. Love you always my babe. Always always.
SO MUCH YES. It’s shit like this that makes me not want to say I’m feminist. The more people I met and interact with, the more I realize that we’re not that different. We all want love, happiness, and success, regardless of gender. I have some great men in my life that I’m very grateful for. Here’s to people supporting people. Love you babe!
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I know. Admitting to being a feminist is such a tricky thing nowadays because it is terribly misinterpreted. People really don’t understand what it really means and I generally end up having conversations like ” oh that’s what you been by feminism? then I am one too!!!” And preach to your words, the more I evolve the less difference I see too. I wouldn’t be half of the person I am if it wasn’t because of the men in my life. Here’s to soul loving souls. Love you to my babe <3
I finally made it to your blog and I had to read this post first! Everything you said was so true. There’s definitely a misconception about masculine females and I for sure have more guy friends than girl friends as well, and perhaps it’s because I haven’t been surrounded by the right girls to empower each other enough to make it feel like we are feeding off it, but like you mentioned, women for centuries have always been envious and subconsciously threatened by one another based on looks and success. I usually keep my mouth shut about feminism only because our generation especially nit-picks at everything that at times it can be overwhelming, but I love that you opened up about this and seriously spoke so well on it and from your views.