Carefree

It was one of those days where you just wake up with a smile on your face. No reason, You just feel good. You feel like singing the hell out of your lungs, even if it is Justin Bieber. You feel like today, your hair hates you a tiny little less because GOSH you are having a good hair day. You feel like a badass with the perfect leather jacket that can be sassy AF with that little black dress that gives you killer curves. You pick up your Iced Latte and notice that that cute guy is flirting with you. Because yes, you know. You are feeling pretty and that is how people also perceive you. You feel carefree.

I wish to tell you that everyday is a carefree day but these days are like shooting stars. Once they fall on you, you just wish they would happen everyday. You wish that your body confidence was something that would be indestructible because it is how things should be. And I am going to be entirely honest: just like everybody else, I have struggled. Me and my body have a relationship that would have the “it’s complicated” state on Facebook.

I was body shamed in High School. Truth is, the words hit me harder than they should have. Because it wasn’t something I ever thought about, I never cared about being skinny, I really didn’t want to look like anyone else, I was satisfied with the person I was. I didn’t understand how girls could be so mean and fake between each other, how they could make you feel so insecure and miserable about your own skin. That’s the main reason why I can’t stand girls in general. Because during years, I was trapped into an idea of the “perfect” body I seeked so desperately and despised the one that was given to me. Even at 20 years old when you are supposed to get your shit together, I was hurt thinking that I wouldn’t be perceived to be as beautiful as someone that would have a more socially accepted beauty. I constantly compared my body to my friends’ when we would go out together, spoiled all the fun by feeling insecure and uncomfortable. I felt that I didn’t belong there, that I was the DUFF (designated Ugly fat friend, you need to see that movie, it’s hilarious!). But in the end, the only person I blame is myself. For letting some dumbass girls introduce something meaningless in my head and fiercely believing for almost 6 years that I needed to change to fit in.

At the same time, I would be the first one to say that we are all beautiful, no matter what your size is, no matter what society says about your body, no matter what all these ideals stuck in your head are. I started to understand that beauty goes beyond what we show and that my purpose isn’t to be anyone’s fashion accessory. Not my friends’, Not my Boyfriend’s, Not my Family’s. Because I have so much more to offer than a “pretty face”.

Honestly I would love to tell you that there is a magic formula for you to feel that you are finally in a good place with yourself, to have a shooting star feeling on a daily basis but it is all about finding yourself. It has a different taste for everybody.

I still struggle but fortunately way less than what I used to. I learned to accept the fact that well, my parents have both given me exotic blood and that I should cherish it as it is part of my difference. I have learned that aesthetic perfection shouldn’t be something that we chase, something that we base our happiness on. And it sounds so obvious but it something so hard to achieve. That is something I am fully aware of but that I will Somehow discretely try defying with habits that are also starting to also be part of me: going to the gym 6 days a week, trying to eat as healthy as I can and wearing way too much black.

And then I think about the moments I felt the best about my body, these were the ones where my soul was the fullest and the happiest. Where my heart felt in peace, where I didn’t feel bad about eating pizza, where I felt beautiful without trying to be beautiful, where I felt that my body was as unique as I was. I would say without a doubt that pursuing happiness is what will give you body confidence. Pursuing body confidence through unrealistic ideals won’t make you happy. Happiness is what will make you feel carefree.

So let’s be cheesy and end up the post with a common motto: Try to care less about how you feel your body should be and appreciate it for what it is, love yourself as a whole and not just as an image and chase happiness even if we are currently getting lost in the most chaotic world possible. But most of all, Sing Justin Bieber in the street if that’s what you feel like doing, choose your own beat to dance your life, surround yourself by people that fully embrace you and let them complete you them as the difference you are lacking. And yeah, most of all: Be Carefree.

Lots of love always,

Neguine 

TODAY I’M WEARING: ZARA dress // MANGO jacket // MANGO flats // MANGO bag //