Things Life Has Taught Me So Far ( or What I Learned After Calling Her a Bitch at Least a 1000 times)

Its Friday, less than a week away from my birthday. I used to be so excited for my birthday, I remember how I anticipated that day just one year ago: Sparks in my eyes, unexpected Heartbeats and feeling incredibly grateful about where my life was standing at that point. It’s not that I am so afraid and depressed of aging because honestly, I don’t care about that. I am not the type of person who wants to sing Taylor Swift’s song “22” as a sign of identity, age doesn’t define me or the experiences I should be living. It has just been a very complicated year, things have happened, some people are gone and others made a powerful entry in my life. And when things get though well, you start learning: They say life is the best school you can go to and I could not agree more. I feel incredibly changed, I am still deciding if it is for the better and decided to write about all the things I learned.

 

DON’T SET EXPECTATIONS ON ANYONE OR ANYTHING

We tend to portray and expect our lives to be a certain way setting certain barriers to high to leave space for unexpected things to happen. With people it is the same, it is so easy to fall into the trap of categorizing someone and set both bad or good expectations on them just from the way they behave. Let me tell you that’s bullshit: everybody appears to be something they are not: some do it more intensively than others but that is just a automatic protective firewall we all have. I have done the mistake to label people so many times and felt so stupid when I realized these people weren’t the way I thought they were. Control is necessary to find balance in your life but being control obsessed is what won’t allow you to live all beautiful experiences, get to truly know people, allow your heart to feel things it deserve to feel and miss opportunities that might never be reproduced. So many times I have pictured my life to be a certain way, not allowing myself to truly living it. I have been so desperate to feel true love that all I could live in were fantasies. Until I stopped controlling, I just let it go and everything came to me, when I least expected it because this is just when the best things happen.

YOU CAN’T HOLD ON TO PEOPLE

I might get too personal here but that is what this post is about right? Friendship, family and love were these treasures I seeked desperately. I spent most of my high school experience in Barcelona changing groups, feeling that I didn’t belong to any of them but doing everything in my power to fit. I wanted to be surrounded, appreciated and loved: just like everybody else. Eventually, I found my group and spent amazing years of friendship with this people. Because I spent so many years being so insecure that people would stick around and not leave, I would be overprotective and possessive. But no matter how hard you try to hold on to people, no matter how much you fight and give them part of yourself. If they want to leave, they will eventually. And Trust me, it sucks. Love who loves you back and fight for someone who would fight like you would because You can’t spend your time being insecure about your relationships as this will just end up hurting you and the person you are.

LET TIMING DO ITS MAGIC

It sucks, big time. Why can’t I have the things I want when I want to have them? Because I was just not ready to have them at that moment. In 2013, I worked in a sales outsourcing company for my internship instead of a fashion company. I was pissed, très très très pissed but the truth is the amount of pressure I would have put on myself would not have been healthy. I was not mature enough and confident enough to face all the dark sides of this industry. I grew up so much from that experience and felt totally auto realized. Same happened with love.  I kept wondering why all the girls would have boyfriend and cheesy beautiful love stories ( I am sure you can hear me sighting right now), until I realized I needed to work on myself first. When I stopped wanting it, it showed up at the right time making me appreciate it so much more than I would have a few years ago. And that’s the thing about timing, things happen when you have grown up to widely welcome them into your life and are ready to fully appreciate them.

ONE STEP AT A TIME: DON’T BE AFRAID OF NOT HOLDING ALL THE ANSWERS 

I am 22, almost 23. Do I know what’s next in a long term for me? Of course not. But I do know what my priorities are, what my purpose is, what really drives me. Since I have started university, I have been studying in a context where time is considered to be the most valuable asset. And it really is, there is no doubt about that but I have felt so many times pressured to start working in corporate right away, not listening to what I really wanted and taking for granted a future that might not be mine. We tend to panic in front of an uncertain future, feel powerless and often useless because we don’t get a job or a boyfriend at the same time as everybody else. That happened to me untilI started focusing on ME and one step at a time discover what this ME wanted from life. We tend to forget to start at the beginning because for answers to be found, a question needs to be asked.

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART AND DON’T PLAY BY ANYONE’S RULES BUT YOURS

This is so constantly repeated in motivational speech and famous quotes. Don’t let anyone tell you about your future, about how you should think, about how you should act or about how you should look. You are the one to set your reality and make the decisions about how your life is going to be. You call the shots and there is no limit: Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t do something. And if they do, smile at them and prove them wrong. Trust your instinct even if it drives you in a direction that nobody accepts because that is where you want to go. If it doesn’t work, well you won’t be obsessed with the famous ” What if I did things differently?”. If it works, it will lead you to greatness or at least your definition of greatness and that’s all that matters.

DON’T BE AFRAID OF YOUR UNIQUENESS 

Its okay to be different, we live in a society that increasingly embrace differences. If you find yourself trapped in a context that doesn’t embrace you just the way you are and you are feeling it is affecting you, change the context. You deserve be loved by people that cherish that uniqueness, you deserve to work in a place where you feel that you belong (even if it is harder to achieve), you deserve to be yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin. Accepting and embracing your uniqueness is what will lead you to differentiate yourself in a world where people tend to act homogeneously.

FIND YOUR SQUAD

This might be the most important thing I have learned during the last years: Quantity isn’t quality. I don’t care about having a tons of friends everywhere around the world, that’s not my definition of friendship. It used to be though, until I experienced going through a time where I felt lost and didn’t want to be surrounded by anyone. I shut everything off and disappeared, and that is when you realize just a few people stay around and fight to get you back. Listen to the same bullshit all over and over again, supports you in your decisions and believe in you more than you believe in yourself. I’m Glad it happened because I know who my pillars are, they define who I am as a person as they make me want to be a better person. Never underestimate the power people has on you, they have a great influence on the person you end up being and excluding  people that is somehow toxic from your life isn’t an easy choice but it is necessary.

BE AND LET PEOPLE BE 

Take your decisions but take them because you know it is the right thing to do for you. Be yourself and don’t be afraid of people not accepting that person. Big decisions are ahead of me and so many times, I stopped thinking what about my friends and my family? Well, if they really do love me, they will accept these decisions even if it a pain in the ass for them. And so they did. Same thing happens to your people, don’t expect them to take any decision because of what you want. Love and Friendship is selfless, people will stay in your life if they feel you accept them for who they are and support them for the decisions they take. Try to understand them, truly get what they want from life and not be blinded by what you want them to do because often that is not what they really want for themselves.

COMPARISION IS BULLSHIT. 

Huge bullshit, like the most massive bullshit. The green isn’t greener in your neighbor’s house. Everybody has issues, insecurities and fears even though you might not see them because we tend to highlight the good things that happen to us instead of the bad ones. Comparing your life and your body to others is what will lead you to frustration and envy, and I can tell you those are not good. I know that because I spent years comparing my body to other girls, not embracing curves (though difference), almost hating my body because I couldn’t have long thing legs and a flat stomach. Same point happened with relationships and work, I kept comparing my life and my intellectual capabilities with the people that surrounded me, and I often felt useless and worthless. Until I realized: I am different and I should empower that difference instead of taking it down. I don’t want the same things as people, I can’t have the same body as other girls because I was born with this one, I have lived different experience that consequently made me think too often like an old lady. The only person worth comparing yourself with is you. No one else. Exceed yourself and fight for a better you. Because your ME of yesterday will envy your ME of the future, and that is healthy.

LOVE YOURSELF AND LIFE UNCONDITIONALLY 

Start embracing every inch of you and fight for that person, because she or he will be the one to save you when times get tough. Find what you really love, what drives you, what makes you feel confident and powerful in your own skin. It can really be anything: A person, A career, A Zumba class, a dress. Anything that makes you feel alive and grateful to be alive. And that is what you really have to hold on to.

Hope you liked the post.

Lots of love always,

Neguine